Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They are going to name an STD after you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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