I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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