I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
