One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize