i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
