He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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