I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
