I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
