Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
