Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
