listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize