No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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