remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
