Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
