We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
