im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
