hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize