I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
