A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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