Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
