like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
