Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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