so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize