k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
