i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
