I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
