so that wasnt chicken after all
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
