Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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