butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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