We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
