You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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