She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
