I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
