can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
