The maid of honor just puked.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
