I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
