So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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