If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
