I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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