I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
