Joe is yelling at the trees again.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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