hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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