I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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