Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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