I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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