So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize