..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
