ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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