Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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