Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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