First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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