I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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