so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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