There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
