do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize