One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
