she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
