hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
