there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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