Buhtt sex?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize