So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
