D3 body, D1 cock
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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