Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
