I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
porn star boner night. come get it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
