i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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